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HOW TO UNDERSTAND MEN AND WOMEN!

 

    This website is about the many and varied differences between men and women and is intended to help you make sense out of these differences. This is a subject that affects us all at some point in our lives to a greater or lesser extent. This confusion has caused untold heartache, tension, anger, hurt, pain, divorces and such much more. This site will teach you how to understand what each sex means when they say or do something that doesn't make sense to the opposite sex.

    As someone who has studied this subject for well over fifteen years I have come to truly understand the differences between the sexes and why we both get so incredibly confused when it comes to understanding each others communication, actions, words, intentions, desires and more.

    I have been giving advice on men and women for many years now through many various and popular websites and even longer to friends, family and others I have encountered at work, travel and just about everywhere. Many have written me back about how my information helped to save their relationship and a few have said how it has saved their lives even, how they would have married the wrong person if they had not learned this information. I'm glad to have been able to help so many people over the years. Several have told me how that wrong person is now married to someone else and that person's life is now miserable, financially destroyed or worse. They knew that would have been them had this information not opened their eyes to the facts and truths beforehand. So it's really great to recieve feedback like that and know that your helping to make a difference in someones life.  It's very clear that even with all the information out there and all the books that have been written on this subject that there are still tens of millions of people who simply don't know anything about the opposite sex. In fact most people barely even know why they do what they do, let alone why the opposite sex does anything.

    Nearly all of this is a result of thinking that men and women are the same and virtually no different. In my view and experience, nothing could be further from the truth. While it's true that we can both do the same things and feel the same things, we do them for very different reasons, at different times and to a different degree and with a different goal in mind. This leads to tons of confusion between men and women since most communication is non verbal and is contained in the tone, timing, strength many other unconscious cues that we all send off, most of which we have little to no idea about.

    Women in particular are hyper aware of all of these things and take them all to mean various things, where and men really have little to no clue and could really care less about them for the most part. Women taking nearly every little thing to mean something other than what it was intended becomes a HUGE problem when this is applied to men, because it causes them to constantly assume things that are not true and most commonly to read things into a man intentions and words that he never intended and that are NOT there.

    The rise of feminism has also played and huge and destructive role in the destruction of the family and male/female relationships. The belief that men and women are the same is a huge lie and deciet. This is because that ideology pushes the idea that men and women are no different when it fact they're far more different than most realize.

    Feminisn is also part of the government bankster agendas that was funded by the CIA in order to get women into the workplace so that they could tax the other half of the population. Before women were working the banks were only able to tax the men who were mostly the ones in the workplace. They pushed the gender version of feminism to destroy the family, get kids to focus on the schools and education as their teachers and leaders and not their parents and teach women that they should work and that staying at home taking care of kids and family was akin to slavery and beneath them.

    They recruited women like Wilma Mankiller, Gloria Steinam and many others to deceive women into thinking that they should go against tradition and biology, forget the kids and focus more on yourself than raising a family or taking care of a husband. That she had equal authority and eqaul abilities with a man. Since women are naturally so insecure, they fell for this lie hook, line and sinker and started to head into the workplace in droves fully beleiving that they were supressed, oppressed and more.

    This was ALL a carefully constructed LIE pushed by government, bankers, the media and the feminist leaders. Read books like "Trust us were experts" to understand that upwards of 50% of the stories you see in the main stream news media are compete FAKES, FRAUDS and LIES, nothing more than STAGED events. Take a look at the film "Zeitgiest Addendum" as you'll learn more about how the government has stages various events, coups and more and how with TV it can be made to look like a whole country is revolting when it's nothing more than a planned event. This is what was and still is being done with feminism today.

    A very popular and enlightening book called "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus" was one of the first to really destroy this myth and went into good detail to show just how different men and women really are in their thinking, communication styles, desires and methods. So much so that reading it will often leave one, especially a man, very perplexed in trying to figure out why women do, say and feel what they do. It's all extremely foreign to a man.

      The same is also true for women, but as I'll be showing in the following pages and articles, women are indeed the ones who bring more confusion into the equation since they are often the ones who are less consistent in their thinking and actions and quite unstable in their desires.

    Now this site is not a site to bash women or men, though I'm very direct and I will tell the truth as I've found it to be and prove through many years of trial and testing. Some have told me that I"m better than Dr. Phil, Dr. Ruth or anyone else out there in my analysis and accuracy. I guess that will either be impressive or laughable depending upon your opinion of Dr. Phil or Dr. Ruth though, lol.

    What I seem to be able to do very well is take many varied pieces of information and probably because of my scientific and meditative background, break it down to it's simplest form and explain it in a way that connects all the dots and gets people to see truths as never before. I do this with Chinese medicine, health and healing all the time via another website of mine too.

  I've always told people that if I were to write a book about these male/female differences I would make the title show that men and women are even more different than simply being from another planet. It's as though men and women are almost not even of the same species or from different universes altogether. This is how opposite we really are in most instances, especially those that really count.  

  But for those who have sought out my advice have found out, I'm far more accurate and correct than I am ever wrong. Even when I am wrong, It's only on a few rather irrelevant points or variables, most of which occur because I was given some inaccurate or incomplete information to begin with. Even a theory requires some accurate facts and information to have a starting point.

    As someone that started out being interested in science, physics and particularly astrophysics since I was about six years old I have a pretty good IQ level and I learn very quickly. I grew up always watching science shows like "Cosmos, Nova, 3-2-1 contact, Mind Extension university" and many others. I had an insatiable interest to understand..."Everything" So while most of my peers spent much of their youth watching cartoons on Saturdays or other shows, I spent mine amassing a solid amount of information on just about everything I could think of.

    Part of this is because while I was not popular in school, I found that when it came to science, people always wanted to be near me and I enjoyed knowing the answers and helping people out. So that was a major early motivation for me to learn as much as I could so if someone had a question on anything from science, to medicine, history to the universe, psychology or technology, I wanted to be able to give them at least a good basic answer and hopefully point them in the right direction. This is something that I continue to enjoy and do to this day, nearly forty years later.

    In my youth I would spend countless thousands of hours meditating and analyzing the deep mysteries of the universe, testing my intellect with various TV shows, mental and thought puzzles, reading books on science and physics, including Einstein and many others and testing my logic, common sense on a constant basis. I would analyze my errors until I understood where the flaw or mistake was in my thinking and each time I did, I would consciously reprogram my mind to either change my thinking or change my point of view. This allowed me to constantly increase my vision and analysis to a point of near perfection.

    After a time, I found that the only times that I was truly wrong was when one of two things occurred; either when I was not given enough information to properly analyze a subject or problem, or when some of the information given to me was incorrect in some form. I say none of this to brag or boast as no one is ever done learning no matter how knowledgeable or smart they are.
   
    As someone who has been into ancient Chinese Gong-fu for 25 years, I know this all too well. It's said in Gong-fu that "After some 2 years of training you realize that your not too bad, but after some 20 years your realize that your not that good" Even for someone who has attained the level of "Master", that doesn't mean that they have nothing more to learn. What it truly means is that they are simply a "Master student".

    Once I became sufficiently satisfied with various spiritual studies and accomplishments born from thirty years of meditation, Chi-gung practices, martial arts and internal energy cultivations, I began to turn my wisdom and intellect to a subject that many men struggle with and never come to an understanding of. This was born out of both my own personal hurt from relationships over the years and talking to countless men who were also equally as perplexed.

    I began reading many popular books on the subject of male and female differences, visiting numerous websites who authors who have various programs and systems which mostly teach men how to understand women and how to improve their chances of finding the right woman as well. None of these systems had teachings on how to get women into bed, score with women or anything like that, but they were programs which truly taught a man how to figure out what a woman means by her actions, lack of actions and words and other cues and signals.
   
    This is vital because women more than men are often very confusing in their speech and say one thing and will contradict themselves in the very next sentence. Then when you call them on it, they'll deny it to the end of the universe that they said that even though you may even have them on tape saying it. It's things like this and so much more which so confuse men to the point of physical pain. This is especially aggravating for men who consider themselves intelligent and are more logical than others, since nothing aggravates and illogical person more than someone that makes no sense or has no consistency or pattern in their words or actions.

    That in fact is one of the first of the many major differences between men and women, the fact that men are mostly logical and consistent and women are often inconsistent and illogical. Often women make this accusation about men all the time and they often are the ones that see themselves and being logical and consistent and men are the inconsistent ones.

    So then how do we come to an understanding on these differences? Are both sexes really both equally illogical and confusing, inconsistent and plainly screwed up? Or is one truly more logical and consistent than the other, but the more confused and illogical one is simply accusing the more logical one because logic doesn't make sense to a confused mind?

    As we'll see in the following pages and paragraphs there is a degree of truth in all these statements, but also much more to it than just that. The cynical person would simply love to chalk all of this up to the fact that were both right from our own point of view and neither men nor women are truly right or wrong. While there is some truth to that statement it is only the right about 20% of the time.

    What I'm going to share here is not going to be true as it applies to men and women 100% of the time. That's because there are always exceptions to any rule, just as there are some women who can be more logical and consistent then men and there are some men who are more illogical and emotion based than some women. I happen to know a few myself so I know this to be very true. Overall there is about an 80/20 split between men and women and in fact this is even a rule of nature all by itself. Whole books have been written on this subject which is something that I uncovered myself, first as it relates to men and women and then later on as it relates to nearly all of life.

    Everyone's experiences may be different and you may find that depending on where you live or the types of people you hang out with, that the men you date may have more feminine traits where as your the logical, emotionally controlled one or you may find that the men are logical and cool and the women are the ones more out of control. Either way the 80/20 rule will apply and it could be that the people you know whether male or female may be in that 20% minority rather than the 80% majority.

    My goal here is not to make everyone fit into some kind of a box or label, but to bridge the gaps between the huge communication differences between men and women and help you to see the need to study further on this and adjust your own communication styles to make yourself clearer to your partner.

    In order for that to work you have to be willing to make some changes in your own communications and take time and effort to try and understand what your partner is telling you. This is true of both men and women since there are so many instances where we mistake what the other person means simply because it means something different to us when we say it, so we naturally assume that the opposite sex also has the same meaning too.

    It's these automatically built in assumptions we each hold that really causes SO much of the communications problems between men and women. While much has been written about many of these, I will be hopefully be sharing them in a new light, with new ways of understanding them which will hopefully make them much clearer to you and make the "light bulb" of comprehension click on in your mind. Once this occurs you'll start to become very excited as so many of the things that men and women do that confuse each other so much begin to become clearer and make some sense at least.

    I'm going to present this information in a few basic ways, the first being straight writing and information with various "classic" examples and scenario's that have occurred between men and women over the centuries which most if not all of us can relate to at one time or another. From there I would show what is going on in each persons mind, how the other person is seeing and hearing what is being transmitted and hear respective to each sex. You'll see that only rarely does our intended meaning every really get across to the other person. This is the first step to begin to understand the opposite sex.


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    THE BEGINNING
    To begin with it's important to understand that men and women both have a logical basis for their arguments. I say this with even some surprise as I write this because while it's widely known that women are not logical for the most part, a lot of why they do what they do and say what they say does in fact have a type of logic behind it, which makes a sort of sense in her own mind. But this is only true to herself or other women who share this type of illogical "logic", not to men or most of the rest of the universe itself.

    It's really a type of "female logic" that makes some sense based on her own assumptions about so many things, but right there is the starting point of the problem. The word "Assumption" is the problem as women tend to walk around with hundreds or thousands of assumptions about so many things. This is especially true in her communications both speaking and hearing. 

    There are major fundamental differences between men and women as we all know and the first part that helps men to begin to understand why women will often act so crazy and illogical so often has to do with their own incredibly deep and almost unending levels of insecurity. Men have no idea at all of just how deep a woman's insecurities and fears are and how paralyzing and controlling they really are. That's because men simply don't have these issues to this degree and even those men who do, there logical and emotional control is usually strong enough to help them keep themselves in control most of the time.

    Again, there are always exceptions to this rule and this is especially true in this modern age as more and more men are being taught to act like women today. There are many reasons for this from social programming to moms teaching boys to be "nice" so that a girl will like you, to even the horrible processed foods today containing thousands of destructive chemicals and foods devoid of life sustaining nutrients and bio-energies.

    Women themselves have added to this great confusion in telling men for decades that they want a "sensitive man". Here is a classic example of a woman using her vey IN-precise communication method and automatically ASSUMING that a man knows what she means.

    When a woman says she wants a "sensitive man" that NORMAL meaning of that is a man who is sensitive to things like women are. Meaning a man who will cry more, show his feelings more, talk more and such. But this is not what women have really been meaning all this time. Here is a HUGE example of a woman's communication style causing massive misunderstandings and confusion to men and actually destroying many relationships in the process.

    This is because what a woman REALLY means is not that she wants a man who is sensitive LIKE her, but sensitive TOWARDS her. Meaning sensitive TO HER FEELINGS!!! OMG...what a TOTALLY opposite meaning, but women ASS-UME that men KNEW what they meant which hints back to the whole "Mind reading" expectation of women in general. Women don't like to have to think and explain things in detail because they want and expect you to "Just get it". Well hello..people don't "Just get it" if that's how we were meant to be then we would be able to read each others minds and not have a mouth with languages to communicate our true intentions and thoughts.

    This is an example of a woman's "Lazy" style of communicating that causes huge problems. Think about how many relationships have been ruined, how many women have left men and caused them great pain for months or years because men were under the impression that women wanted a man to act more like a woman. All because women simply don't know how to truly explain or express what they really want or what they're really trying to say.

    By leaving communication up to assumption and this silly, insane idea of letting the other person fill in the gaps as to your intentions, you can literally cause serious injuries, problems or in certain situations even death.

    This is the same thing when women ask for something and they'll say "I need you to move this thing over there" or "Can you come and fix this thing that's making this noise on my thing"... wow...great..that tells us a lot. Sure a woman might not know the exact names, but again this type of "mind reading" or "just knowing" expectation bleeds over into serious communication and again has and does cause serious, serious problems between men and women. Just because another woman might know what your referring too, does NOT mean that men do at ALL.

    On one of the posting boards, someone asked the question
 
My reply was as follows;

    Women mostly think about themselves to some degree all the time. Being obsessed with beauty, their looks, and bottomless and never ending feelings of insecurity, fears, worries, doubts, over-analyzing everything, taking everything personally and to heart that is said or always looking for reasons TO take everything to heart and/or personally.

They can almost never handle anything serious, anything heavy which is some of the main reasons that they only want to have fun and think about romance and comedy nearly all the time. Most don't want to think logically but only feel and let their emotions rule constantly. Most think that they're emotions 100% tell them the truth when in reality emotions almost 100% of the time warp reality and in that way, lie to you..but since they feel good, women love them. It's been said that women are nothing but "feeling and hormones" and that seems to be very accurate.

Due to the aforementioned insecurities, women are in a nearly constant state of jealousy from everything or anyone, especially other attractive women or any other woman in a mans life, even his mother or daughters, even when married to the man himself.

They're quick to hate, slow to forgive, love to hold grudges and because of the circular nature of her thought patterns and wiring, the time you were late for their second date 30 years ago is constantly looping in her mind over and over again, just waiting for something else to happen or for you to say or do something to bring it right back up to the forefront so that she can once again use it against you and throw it in your face because you "soooo hurt her" 30 years ago. Women often keep track of every little thing you do or don't do wrong so that they can use it all against you in the next argument while they pretended that they weren't hurt or bothered by the same thing at that time.

Sure women will point out useless things, in their eyes, that men do too..which is also true. But at least his obsession with cars, building things and being technical can be put to very good use and often comes in super handy. Make up and nail tips have yet to save a life or do anything really useful for anyone other than the girl herself, lol.

    Men have been taught either by their mothers, social programming and feminism to be "nice" to women and that's how you'll make her happy and get a good woman. Well if women were truly logical and made sense then this would work like a charm and all the nice guys would have the hottest girls and the bad boy, jerks would be the one home alone on Friday nights.

 

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    But as millions of nice guys will tell you that is surely not the case at all. This is one of the biggest lies that men are told in their youth. Men are falsely led to believe that the nicer you are, the more a girl will like you and want to be with you and marry you. Women themselves are the biggest progenitor of this myth and flat out lie. A lot of that has to do with their own insecurities once again and also the fact that they are so controlled by popular opinion and by what other people think, especially women.

    There are several reasons why the "nice guy" fails to attract and keep a woman. The first one being that regardless of what a woman says, she does NOT truly want a "nice guy" as the REAL meaning of the term implies. In order to really understand this we have to explore the first of the numerous misconceptions that surround the use of words and language between men and women. That being that women in particular have "reversed" or "opposite" meaning for words in numerous instances.

    How can this be, well it comes back to emotions vs. logic, or fantasy vs. reality even. I'll get into that more later. What this means though in the context of the current subject is that women do not use the English language as it's truly written. They add emotional spin to many words as they often do when talking about nearly everything. This causes many words to be so greatly exaggerated or distorted that to a woman it means one thing, but to men and the dictionary something totally different.

    Lets take the general meaning of the word nice for example. If you say someone is a "nice guy" most people would take it to mean that this person acts in a nice way the majority of the time if not all the time. Just as if you said someone was an idiot or jerk, you would assume that most of the time this person is going to act like an idiot or jerk most of the time. But with women in general this is not that case. That is because a woman's mind Amplifies nearly everything at a ratio of approximately 10 to 1. This is again due to the emotions (e-motions, energy in motion) that almost totally dominates a womans mind, feelings and thoughts. This is something else I'll be coming back to more.

    What this means is that to a woman, a man is considered a "nice guy" if he's only nice occasionally or sometimes, but could be a total jerk, idiot or even abuser the rest of the time. Again we come back to that 80/20 ratio as that is about the amount that a man would have to be nice for a woman to consider him a "nice guy". This explains why SO many women will leave a man that truly loves a woman and treats her good and go back to either an ex that abused her or find a bad boy jerk to abuse her instead. Because while women SAY that they want a nice guy, much of which they say so they can "Appear" to be a "good girl" to the public, to friends and even themselves, they really don't want a "nice guy" wimpy, submissive, yes ma'am, no ma'am type of guy.

    The one thing women hate is a man with no confidence or a man that is too feminine. Since women are conditioned by their own natures to be "nice", the last thing they want is a "nice guy" whom they then subconsciously consider to be like a woman too. But again they SAY that they want a nice guy because they're so controlled by what other people think and since women live in almost constant fear and worry of what other people are thinking, they say what they think will keep their reputation of being a "good girl". To men this is nuts because men do not do this. Men mostly could care less of other people think them nice or a jerk. Of those that do care, were certainly not going to keep saying some lie like that for decades even to the point when it's clear that it's so not true. But again this is one of the things that men in general have NO clue about in regards to what goes on in the average womans mind.

    So most women continue to say they want a nice guy, even when it's clear from their dating history that they prefer anything but. Think of most of the fathers that you know from your friends. How many would you truly consider "nice guys". Now think of all those same men and how many are either divorced or never married. That's because your mother or your friends mothers likely left many nice guys and picked a guy who was more like a jerk to marry because this is what turned her on more, though she's loathe to admit it, even to herself. Women deceive and lie to themselves just as often or more than they lie to men and each other. Most of this is done unconsciously and again it goes back to the deceptive and confusing nature of the female mind which men in general have no clue about at all.

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    This is so consistent that I've been with girls who have told me right out of the blue "I'm a good girl" and I said, ok, we'll have sex after the movie and she said "OK"...then about ten seconds later said "Hey, wait a minute, I just told you that I was a good girl and you said that". I said yeah, but I know that it means your not a good girl, and you only said that through guilt and trying to project that you are a good girl because your mostly not. Nearly every time, when someone just comes out and makes a statement like that either out of the blue or from a topic that was not even being discussed it means that they're subconsciously confessing a sin out of guilt. Law enforcement is aware of this tendency and they use to when questioning a person about a crime of some kind.

    I remember in the movie "The Fugitive" where two US marshals questioned a man at the hospital and  they asked if the fugitive "Richard Kimball" had any contact with a certain person and the man replied "I have seen Dr. Kimball". The marshals said "That's not what I asked you sir" and knew right away that he was lying and that he did see him. After further questioning it turns out that he had indeed seen Dr. Kimball.  

    While the movie is fictional the reality it demonstrates is real. Women are constantly trying to blame others, especially men for all their issues, problems, confusion and just about everything else too. This is really a major basis of radical and goddess feminism which teaches women to hate men, hate God, hate anything biblical, Christian and even to hate heterosexual relationships too. The women that started this modern version of feminism, which is just another form of hate and is also a false religion, were themselves lesbian, man haters who wanted women to take advantage of men, use them, take all their money, take their jobs, blame them for everything, take their children and destroy them in every way possible.

    That's because some of these women were themselves abused as children, so they're hatred knew no bounds. They further got into various pagan "goddess" religions which taught that women were superior to men and that men were here to serve women. I have literally encountered women from the NY area that I knew believed this decades before I ever read that was an actual teaching that they were taught and believed. I could see many women walk around with a look of such pure arrogance, vanity and supposed superiority that I could read what they were thinking right on their faces. I was shocked to find out 20 years later that's an official teaching of goddess feminism.

    Now this is not to be confused with gender feminism which teaches that women should have equal pay for equal work, the ability to vote and other forms of social equality. Most men have no problem with that at all and in that sense many men are gender feminists too. But it's this radical and goddess feminism that is a true danger to society. It's nothing less than a false religion of pagan origins that teaching women to hate and loathe men. These teachings are prevalent in colleges and schools across the country. Many women have no idea that even many college courses that are supposedly teaching about female empowerment are spreading many subtle forms of religious teachings such as this radical feminism which is teaching hatred of men under the guise of "higher education", empowerment and personal improvement.

 

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    The women who started feminism knew that to really get their message across all they had to do was to teach that women that they had been oppressed, put down, and taken advantage of by men. They knew that from this, women would flock to their message in droves by the multiple tens of millions without ever even checking on it to see if it was true. That's because little do men know that a woman ALWAYS feels oppressed, taken advantage of and mistreated. But these feelings and beliefs do not stem from any actual reality of being mistreated, but from their own deep and bottomless well of fears and insecurities that they carry around with them 24x7.

    That's not to say that women haven't been mistreated, put down and abused over the centuries by various groups and individual men, they have. But the teachings of feminism go faaar beyond just that. It teaches that men everywhere always oppress women even in the smallest of ways and that women should essentially "take revenge" upon all men in any way, shape or form that they possibly can.

    This included rebelling against traditional female roles in marriage and society, particularly the role of a wife and homemaker. This was a direct rebellion of long established and functional biblical roles and gender roles too. Women didn't just stay home and take care of children while men worked because of the bible, but because biologically it's what they're best at. This is not a downgrade or put down at ALL, but that is what radical and goddess feminism has gotten millions of western girls and women to believe. That somehow women had the short end of the stick for millenia while men went out and did the "Interesting or more rewarding work".

    Women simply get greater joy out of being in a serving, nurturing type of role than that of a leader. While some women can be good leaders just as some men are in fact more nurturing than some women, overall women strong gravitate towards this type of role. That is why far more women go into being nurses than men and women tend to make better administrative assistants then men too. Feminism teaches that this "assistant" role is itself a put down, demeaning and limiting to a woman's true abilities, but is simply not true.

    This is another lie and deceit of this type of feminism. Since radical feminism teaches that women are superior, any role that puts them in a position of being a server or helper is considered wrong, oppressive and evil by this twisted philosophy. Because of a womans deep seated feelings of insecurity and yes...plain gullibility they bought into this instantly and whole heartedly. This message struck at the core of a womans insecurities and now gave her an external reason for all her personal fears and mental and emotional issues. Women seem to be masters of accusing others of what they're guilty of, but almost never seem to be able to see that they're doing this. Even when it's being pointed right out to them I've found such an amazing blindness to even see it, let alone admit it.

    Remember that goddess feminism is a pagan female based religion that used to be prevalent centuries ago and has again begun to become more mainstream. Movies such as "The Davinci Code" push this idea as some kind of a beneficial model to the "male" dominated religions of the past two thousand years. It claims that all feminine values and characteristics are superior and that the male characteristics are inferior. It sites things such as the supposed increase in wars and violence of the past two thousands years as evidence of this statement.

    But of course wars have gone on long before that period as well while the female religions were supposedly more in force. Wars occur not because of a particular religion per sae, but because of greedy people who have money and power and seek to gain even greater money and power through conquest and death. Religions, ideologies and belief systems are used to give so called justification to those wars in the name of religion, democracy, spreading freedom or some other socially beneficial ideology.

    These feminist preaching women knew that women already had a very strong natural tendency to blame others for their issues and problems while at the same time always thinking that they're perfect. So of course such women knew precisely how to package their message to get women to just blindly follow it without even caring if it was true or not. Since women in general follow their minds or "heart" almost exclusively over logic, they knew that even if some found out it was not true, that because it made them feel soo good and gave them a type of solace by having someone else to blame all of their problems, that the truth or lie of the message would be overlooked entirely.

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    That men and women communicate differently is pretty much common knowledge. What's not so common are the ways that these differnces cause so many problems and just what those differences really are. What is known are the effects of this miscommunication. The frustration that so many couples feel when they just don't understand what the other person means when they say certain things, or that your partner doesn't get what your saying many times either is a huge stumbling block in creating true happiness between men and women. The specific differences in the communication styles and even timing that cause so much anger, confusion, misunderstanding and even broken and destroyed relationships is something that really takes time and effort to understand and especially apply.


Learning these truths doesn't mean that there won't still be misunderstandings and confusion between the sexes. No matter how much knowledge we have when we speak or listen to someone from the opposite sex say something, our own built in programming will still take over and hear something in a way that were programmed to do. A good amount of this can be overcome with time and understanding, but it probably won't happen a full 100%. But it can make a huge difference in the amounts of fights, arguements, hurt feelings and misunderstandings that goes on between men and women. In time as you get to know the other person better and better armed with this knowledge you'll be able to lessen those points of contention and misunderstanding to the point where they occur very rarely and almost disappear entirely.

    What has  to be understood is that you CANNOT use your male or female oriented points of view to figure out or interpret what the other person is saying! You MUST have a solid understanding of what the other person means when they say certain things. This is critical if your going to avoid the countless misunderstandings and mistakes that occur in relationships which too often leads to huge fights and breakups and along with it, broken homes and families too.

    I'm my own research and experience in talking with countless people over the years along with experts in the field it becomes clear that most of this misunderstanding stems from the fact that women do not use the English language in a proper way when it comes to communication. What I mean by this is that insted of using language in a literal way, there is always an emotional bent to their words and meanings. It starts with women putting their own slant and an almost opposite meaning onto various words in the English language. I alluded to this when I talked about the nice guy syndrome above. Women tend to reverse the true meaning of a word from a majority to a minority but when they speak. Even though they're still using the correct form of the word which to men especially, still conveys the original dictionary meaning while the woman really mean something either totally different or completely opposite.

    The second problem is that because of a womans emotions, nearly everything is blown out of proportion at the same 7-10 to 1 ratio. Because of this men never know how serious something is or is not. That's because when a woman keeps blowing truly minor things out of proportion, men who are first take it really seriously find out that it's only something minor in reality, but in the womans reality it's a major thing. This is akin to constantly crying wolf or fire and then when a real wolf or fire appears you wonder why no one is responding. Simply put, women tend to exaggerate everything.

    This emotional exaggeration is really a huge problem because while men can exaggerate when telling stories or sometimes blow things out of proportion too, for the most part this is only done at certain times, like when telling an amazing story or perhaps relating something seriously traumatic to another person. But to women, it seems as though nearly everything is a seriously traumatic event in one form or another, which again leads to the constant exaggeration and misrepresentation of the truth and facts. For a man understanding the psychological and emotional reasons behind this is paramount to beginning to understand why they do this so much.

    While this will still be confusing to men, it does help at least figure out when your woman acts so nutty so often, especially at that time of the month for many. The main cause of this behavior stems from, once again a womans deep insecurities and fears. Women walk around in a state of constantly feeling "unloved" to a large degree. While we can all feel this at times and is especially true for those who have been abused in some form whether physically or emotionally, women seem to have this to a very large degree nearly all the time. Again that same 7-10 to 1 ratio comes into play. Because of their out of control emotions, a woman is always seeking validation for her own fears, love and support because this is how she is assured for a brief moment that she is important and loved and this helps boost her low or non existent self esteem.

    So what does this have to do with exaggeration then...everything. What women do when communicating is to purposely blow things out of proportion and make every little thing  seem like a big deal. This is done so that you will react and over react in a huge way, also making it seem like a big deal and thus giving her a proportionally large amount of validation and hopefully, empathy.
   
    So in essence she is actually trying to manipulate you, though this is done unconsciously and not in an intentional way. But she makes everything a big deal and blows it all out of proportion, then when you also accept this and give her the empathy and validation that she's looking for, then she herself will actually realize that it's not a big deal after all and feel better about the situation and herself.

    I know that many men are now scratching their heads and thinking WHAT???!!..WHY??..why do they do that?? What for?? Right...what for. Well again they're looking for that constant reassurance that you care because just telling them here and there is of course never enough for most so when they're feeling down or blue and in need to extra support they'll either greatly exaggerate or completely make up a story in order to get the empathy and support they require.

    To men this is completely alien behavior. Men do not walk around in a state of constantly needing support or empathy and then behave in this way. When you do this we have NO clue what the heck your talking about, what your doing or what your looking for. Instead of ASKING directly for support, women make up stories or exaggerate existing situations or emotions to force you to get as upset or emotional as she is, thus giving her the empathy that she wants and needs and feeling better about her own reactions and herself.

    Now this is a huge problem when a woman applies this to a man because one of the LAST things men HATE is when someone tries to control them, manipulate them or cause them to feel emotions that are not really there. This is why men regularly talk about women playing their constant mind games. Whether they're the making him jealous game to see if he really cares, exaggeration or anything of the sort. This is really very true because that is exactly what they are, though most women don't think of it that way and of course they accuse men of playing games too, but I'll get to that a little later. But if your making up a story or exaggerating to make someone feel something that they don't normally feel, then it is a type of controlling them..controlling them through lies, misinformation or exaggeration in this case. But to women it's just a little lie and when it comes to getting the support they crave it's basically nothing. Women in general seem to be able to lie very easily because of their "water" minds which are flexible and unstable emotionally, so to them the truth is often seen as being very fluid and not solid. I'll get into male type lies a bit later on.

    At first a man takes these stories at face value as the woman, very much like a little child would do, embellishes the story to a degree equal to the amount of support or love she feels she needs to feel loved and thus better about herself for the moment. Once a man realizes this he turns from wanting to believe in his woman to starting to get angry at the constant exagerrations and lies for yes, even an exaggeration is a type of lie, it's false information at it's core. While this is not done intentionally for the most part, there are women who are aware of this and know that they can use it to their advantage in many situations.

    This tendency of women to exaggerate things and trying to get support or validation from a man is a major communication problem between the sexes...why, because men do NOT understand WHAT validation and/or support are in any way, shape or form!! Let me repeat that... Men to NOT understand what validation and/or support are in any way, shape or form. We don't understand it in terms of and the way that women use these terms or needs in a relationship that is. The only time a man uses or thinks about the word validation is when he needs to validate his valet ticket for getting his car parked or have something approved.

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VALIDATING WOMEN, WHAT IN THE WORLD IS "VALIDATON?"

    So just what is this validation that women require so much of and place such huge importance on? Well this will come as a pretty large if not huge shock to most men but this has to do with a womans emotions and feelings. Specifically it means that when a woman experiences a certain emotion in response to something whether real or imagined, she actually does NOT know whether that feeling or emotion is correct. So she requires someone else to help her sort through her feelings and emotions to "validate" whether what she is feeling is correct or not.

    If someone does something bad to a woman, lets say someone steals something off her desk, right away she will feel upset, hurt, violated and angry. One part knows that this is normal and right, but right away all the other parts of her mind and psyche start to come into play, confusing the original emotion and causing her to not know how to react in a given situation. So she immediately seeks out the help of other people to reach out, connect and share her "extremely traumatic" experience, talk it through and get the support and validation she needs.

    How does this work? Since women are much more word and sound oriented, women need to talk out a situation in order to analyze it and sort out her feelings and emotions. she needs to speak to comeone right away whether on the phone or in person talk to share the story verbally. In the process of sharing her story she is doing some basic analysis, but mostly the very fact that someone is taking the time to quietly listen to her and share her experience is taken as love and support. She feels cared for by the simple act of listening to her story and making small signs of acknowledgment that your listening such as the occasional..."uh huh", "hmmm", "I see".

    When a man or woman does that while listening WITHOUT INTERRUPTING then she feels cared for and loved and will actually feel so much better in about 10 minutes. She may ask "did I overreact?" or "Is that how I should feel?" at the end. This is what is meant by "validation". She's actually asking to get your opinion on whether her feeling angry or hurt is a "valid" feeling based on the situation. To a man, this is silly, ridiculous and completely absurd, of COURSE if someone stole something from you then you should feel that way. A man thinks "why would you even have to ask such a question?" A man does not need this kind of emotional validation when something happens to him. We're quite capable of analyzing our own feelings and knowing that we have every right to be upset at such a wrong done to us. When a woman tries to give a man this kind of "support" or help, it's taken as an intellectual insult and emasculating.

    But since women are always trying to be the fair ones, give everyone a chance and pride themselves on one of their favorite traits of being "non judgmental" they start to immediately think thoughts or empathy or understanding, or so they think. These take the form of "maybe the person really needed that item, maybe they didn't have enough money to buy a new one, maybe they're only borrowing it and plan on bringing it back, maybe they didn't even realize what they were doing", "may I misplaced it".  She seeks to "empathize" with the criminal and emotionally rationalize away the wrong behavior, to give her own version of "validation" to it, falsely thinking that she is being supportive or fair. But is that the right time or circumstance to even BE supportive, of course not.

    While it's true that the person may only be borrowing the item, for them to not ask first means that it's akin to stealing it. You can't just walk into a store and take a coat for the day without paying for it because yours happened to be at the cleaners that day, then later on claim you were just borrowing it without permission but planned on brining it back. That's exactly what theft is and you'll end up in jail for such an action. But since women always want to be the ones to give support because they themselves often need so much support, this is the first thing that starts to come into her mind. Instead of getting mad, seeking out the offender and getting the item back and most men would do, she is more concerned about understanding the persons motives and reasons and using it as an opportunity to give validation and support thinking that this will make the person feel better and perhaps helping that person to not steal again.

    This is totally useless for most, especially if it's a man who is doing the stealing because this type of support does not work on a man, but will often only work on another woman. Whether it would work on someone who is a criminal is questionable at best, even a female criminal since people who have that much trauma to begin with and who feel entitled to steal from other people usually have deeply rooted emotional trauma sufficient so that a simple act of empathy is not going to make any bit of difference at all Serious counseling or even jail would often be required to reach such a person and elicit any meaningful change.

    This is why women are often so soft when it comes to denying their children anything because immediately the emotions of wanting to give love and support coupled with hating to see anyone unhappy or in pain comes to mind. Their emotions so overwhelm them that any semblence of logic is destroyed in an instant and feelings and emotions rule their actions. This they give in to quiet the child and make them happy not caring about any damage this is doing to the child itself or their own position in the eyes of the child. Feelings and emotions have ruled with total domincance over common sense, truth or logic. Now some men are this way too and it's just as bad no matter who does it whether male or female.

    Hopefully you can now get a better understanding of the mental and emotional processes that go on in most womens minds and why they have an almost chronic need to exaggerate everything whether its relating something that just happened at work, what a friend said or did or something else that happened in their lives. They need to exaggerate things and blow them up to get extra support, then they themselves will minimize it and put it away. It's important for men to realize though that UNTIL they get that support that they SO require, they'll only keep on exaggerating it more and more and will go on and on, claiming that "you just don't understand" (something men HATE to hear and real ticks us off because we take it as "no, you stupid idiot, your so dumb you don't even understand what I'm saying") until she feels that you do understand, then she will minimize it herself and let it go.

    Think back earlier to when a woman says "no, you don't understand". What she really means is "no, you don't understand- right now I don't need a solution I need you to listen" but as mentioned that is NOT what the man hears... and why didn't he hear that..because that's NOT what you said. You assume that he hears that because you assume that a man KNOWS that you need validation, support, empathy and for him to just listen...but WE DON'T know that. That is why you have to TELL him specifically what you mean and not use the "beat around the bush" or "hint" method of communication. Because when your telling a man about a problem, the FIRST thing were looking to do is GIVE a solution. That is why a man's mind is programmed for..solving problems. Telling a man a problem is like putting meat before a hungry lion and expecting him to not go after it. It's actually painful to sit there and listen to a problem and not interrupt with solutions. Men do NOT sit there and "just listen" to another man talk so that he can feel better about himself, not at ALL. Men talk to other men to get advice and solutions to problem, not to just have someone listen to us so we can feel loved and supported. We don't even CARE about those things and in fact men have NO CLUE that such things even exist. That's how alien it is to him.

    What men do in this situation is to naturally try and show her the LOGIC of the situation and show her WHY she should not be reacting in the way that she is. So men use logic and common sense to discern the reality that it's really not that bad at all so as to minimize it FOR her. But this causes a HUGE problem between the two sexes. That's because when a man minimizes the situation for her, she now feels OFFENDED, belittled and unimportant. Why, because she feels that you have DISRESPECTED her. How is this disrespect when a man is listening, taking it seriously and trying to help her? Well that goes back to one of those major differences in the use of various words which I'll get into shortly. So the more she feels that your not taking it seriously which is evidenced in her mind because your trying to MINIMIZE the event and her feelings, the more she's going to keep blowing it up, repeating the same thing over and over again until she feels that you "get it" and she gets the appropiate level of empathy, validation and support she wants and needs.

    Remember what I said earlier about many of these male/female communcation issues stemming from the womans side, this is a classic example of what I mean. Why, because she is the one who is either consciously or unconsciously exaggerating a situation because of the demands of her own emotional needs and her inability to deal with her own emotions in her own mind. She has to constantly recruit the help of others even for relatively simple issues because those deep insecurities leads to the equal and opposite need for support, empathy and validation, all of which basically is a need to feel loved. Men don't get why, why, why women are constantly feeling soo down and so unloved all the time, so naturally we have no clue about these tendencies and this almost neurotic need to feel loved, supported and validated.

    When men talk to other men about something bad that happened, the man is NOT talking to get love, validation or support, but SIMPLY to relate facts and information. This is a major reason that men talk and communicate. For the ladies..I repeat "Men do NOT talk to get love, validation or support, but simply to relate facts and information". When a man calls up another man he does it to shoot the breeze, catch up on current events, perhaps talk about the game or something else action oriented and then that's it. We may call each other up to talk if were stressed or pissed off at something that happened at work or in the world, but it's not because we need validation for our anger, but again to share information and the feelings that we are pissed off at it. In this regard were slightly looking for anger validation but ONLY in regards to checking wether our friend might get just as ticked off at it as we are. But if he is not really bothered by it, it doesn't mean that we don't know that were still correct in being mad. Sure if we tell a story to our friends about something and they just as mad it makes us feel a little better about ourselves at times (think 80/20 rule again), but if not it doesn't really effect us one way or another.


 

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    When he comes home and she asks him the typical "how was your day" question that women LOVE to say and hear, he normally responds in typical one word answers "good, ok, fine", to her this is a strange and scary response...why, I'll get to that shortly. So she then probes even further with something like "so what happened at work today" and again he'll say, usually in a more agitated tone "nothing". So she thinks..well obviously nothing didn't happen at work, so she gets even more inquisative which only further pisses the man off...why, because she totally does not get that he doesn't WANT to be asked ANY questions when he first walks in the door because it feels like he's back at work all over again when now he is actually home. All your doing is reminding him of what he's trying to forget, work because your asking him questions and almost interrogating him as his boss would do.

    Of course to you the woman, your just showing him love, interest in him and his day and giving him support, but to men this is annoying and aggravating...why..because to men that is not love and support, it is just what it is, asking questions and an interrogation. That is the LAST thing that any man wants when he comes home from work. Now you can say "Well I would LOVE it if a man asked ME those questions when I came home from work so that's why I'm asking him" Sure, that's because your a woman and your weird , lol- JK. But seriously that is how a man looks at this and does NOT understand at all why you have to ask him questions the minute he walks in the door. Ladies you HAVE to understand that men do NOT need to be shown "love, support, understanding" the minute that they walk through the door in that way. If you want to show him concern that he'll appreciate, then give him a big smile when he comes home, a hug and kiss, ask him ONCE "how was your day" and if he says "Ok", say good and leave it at that.




    Another reason that those constant questions piss a man off is because it smacks of lack of trust. How, because if you keep asking him more and more questions its the same thing that an interrogator would do when they don't beleive what your saying. Men want to be trusted by their woman and regardless of how often a man cheats or may have lied in the past, mostly it's small compared to all the "small" but far more numerous lies women tell, but more on that later. So if you keep asking him question after question trying to FORCE him to speak about his day when it should be CLEAR that he does not want to, not only is the interrogation pissing him off, but now you have the lack of trust issue and the fact that you essentially keep asking him the same question over and over again in a different way.

  So now why are those short one word answers so scary to women as I mentioned above? When two women are friends and one no longer wants to be friends with the other person or at the very least is extremely pissed off and man at her, she no longer shares her feelings and gives the same kind of short, one word answers that men typically give when they come hom from work like "good, ok, fine". This is a major signal to other women that this woman no longer trusts her and that is why she's withholding her feelings from her. So the woman is feeling that the MAN doesn't trust her because he's not sharing his feelings with her now, so of course SHE is now offended in her own way, just as the very act of asking those questions is offending the man in multiple ways. She is feeling very rejected and unloved because the man didn't share his day with her having NO CLUE that men do NOT show love in this way or have a need or desire to share their day with her at all. This is especially true the minute he walks in the door!!

    So hopefully you can see that your pissing him off on multiple fronts which is why he's getting mad pretty fast. Not to mention the fact that he's tired, looking forword to coming him all day and now he walks home and feels like he's back at work which further pisses him off. Men want to come home, change their clothes, say hi to you and RELAX and have QUIET time for at least 30 minutes without being told about all the crap around the house that needs to be done, NO complaining or "sharing" of problems (same thing, complaining), nothing about the kids unless it's an emergency, etc. Saying to yourself or him "Well I work too and I have to deal with this the minute I come home so now you have to as well" DOESN'T work or cut it. First of all you rarely HAVE to deal with them the minute you come home, you simply CHOOSE to and because YOU choose to and think it's SO important to deal with it the second you come home, you automatically THROW it in the mans face too and force him to share it as well. ALL your doing is further pushing him away with this controlling almost vindictive attitude and it's a good way to make a man goes to another woman for comfort, peace and to de-stress. This is one of the many reasons that men will go and cheat and this type of behaviour is something that women are famous for.

    No man wants to deal with anything the minute he walks in the door. If you want you get your man to open up, then give him that 30 minutes to relax and switch his mind over from work mode to home mode, grab something to eat or just calm his mind then approach him again in a calm way and many times you'll find that he is now far more open to telling you about his day then if you ask him the minute he comes in the door, like a little child begging their fathers to do something with them the minute they walk in the door. For this is how a man looks at such behaviour and when it comes from his gf or wife who is supposed to be a partner and somewhat equal, he immediately eqautes this to her being like a little kid and can be a big turn off overall. A man wants a woman, not a kid. But this doesn't mean he wants a woman that acts like a man. He still wants her to be a woman, but not be a total wimp. But that doesn't mean he wants her to act macho either. Women can still be very feminine but tough in a femine way without being manly or macho.

    You see a man actually looks forward to coming home and seeing you and he does plan on sharing the details of his day with you in HIS OWN time, which is usually after that 30 minute adjustment period. But when you come to him like a child and try to force the information out of him before HE is mentally or emotionally ready to share it, you are changing his joy at seeing you to annoyance then to anger pretty fast and actually destroying his feelings of love slowly over time. He would love to see you happy and with a smile on your face, give you a kiss and hug, have a few quick words of hello and that's it for now. So put to incredible desire to chat on hold until he is ready and don't force him to talk before that time. Certainly don't threaten him as to why he should chat with you by comparing your day to his or everything that you do to him, your not going to gain anything that way at all but more fighting and further destroying of the relationship.

    Now I'm sure many women are thinking "Sure, just have a smile on my face when I had a crappy day, have cramps, feel like crap, am tired, ran all over with the kids and your thinking of ALL the things that HE didn't do when YOU think he should have...wel, it doesn't mean you have to have a happy smile on your face EVERY day when he comes home. But too many women are chronically the opposite and always ready to bitch, whine and complain about ALL that they're UN-happy with in the home, about him, the relationship, their jobs and life. NO man wants to hear all that garbage all the time and certainly not when he first walks in the door..how aggravating and despressing. All your doing is telling him in many ways "look how screwed up my life is and it's all YOUR fault". While this may not be how YOU mean it, it's how HE takes it...why? Because men are automatic problem solvers and when you tell us a problem, the first things our mechanical, logical, problem solving minds do is take it that the reason your even TELLING us this is because you expect us to solve the problem.


    A man who loves a woman doesn't want her to have all these problems, so when you keep telling him everything that's WRONG or BAD in your life, he takes it ALL in as problems that HE has to solve. When your complaining about 10 things at once that are wrong, he takes it as "great, TEN more freaking problems that I have to now SOLVE". This strongly gives HIM the message that YOU'RE never satisfied and he feels like a FAILURE!. Men HATE to feel like failures because we consider a womans happiness as one of our number one priorities and goals. So when ALL you do is tell him negative things or everything thats wrong, especially the minute he walks in the door, your telling him time and time again that your a failure, you've NOT made me happy, I'm always miserable, stressed out, depressed, feeling like crap and more. This desotroys his own confidence and sense of masculinity because he takes all these are personal failures that I have not made my gf or wife happy.

   But again it is women who bring all of their emotionally, validating, communication, insecurities and countless other needs that they can't control or satisfy into the relationship and dump all of them on the man, automatically expecting him to always SAY and DO the right thing at just the right time and to "JUST KNOW" when you need to be hugged, hear a certain word or anything else. Then when you discover that he's NOT God, not a mind reader and doesn't "Just know" what to say based on again "YOUR ASSUMPTIONS and needs" you instantly get pissed and assume that he doesn't love you because that's why YOU would do if YOU loved someone. Then you immediately seek REVENGE on him either right away or a month from now to punish him (like a little vindictive child) for him not giving you the support that you SO craved or needed.

    Many women will then say "well I gave him enough hints that I needed this support"...well guess what..men do not take hints as definatives or facts...they're hints. A hint does not solve a crime for example. There is a reason that circumstancial evidence alone rarely if ever convicts a criminal, because it's not PROOF. But women who gives all their emotional hints that they need support or verbal hints as to what they're trying to communicate somehow think that their hints ARE enough and should be enough...they're NOT!. When women communicate they speak in almost nothing but hints and "round about" or "Beat around the bush-ese" aka "womanese" and expect the other woman to "just get it" or "intuit" what they're REALLY trying to say. The more the other girl "GETS IT" the more connected they consider themselves to be and the more "Loved" they feel. OMG...how RIDICULOUS this is to a man. How can you literally communicate and get any real information across with any accuracy if it's all left so open to interpretation and half guesswork. That's because unlike men, women rarely communicate or talk to share "INFORMATION or FACTS" as men do, they use it primarily to share what is the main focus on nearly their whole mental existance..."FEELINGS and EMOTIONS".

    It's as though women use the act of communicating in this "beat around the bush" mether of communication to test each how much one woman "gets" another and the more they get each other the more "loved, supported and validated" they feel and the happier they are. Men have NO, NO, NO clue about this at ALL because the primary reason that men communicate IS to share facts and information for the purpose or solving problems, not use it as some kind of guessing game to see if my friend can "intuit" the solution to that computer problem or understand the mathematical solution some physics or design problem of some kind..OMG what a perfect setup for complete and total disaster that would be if men communicated in such a literally insane way. How would anything ever get built, designed or created if we communicated in this type of totally inaccurate, inefficient, illogical and useless way??

    This is the main makeup of a mans mind. Were designed to be problem solvers in things in the real world (3rd dimension) and we don't live in a world where we're constantly seeking to get our emotions validated, get support or looking for more love, and we certainly DON'T play language or word guessing games where we say one thing and expect the other person to guess, intuit or figure out what we "REALLY MEAN" as some kind of a test as to how much they "love us". OMG...no wonder men and women have SO many problems trying to communicate and get along in so many ways. That's because women are using the langauge and speak for almost totally different reasons than men do. But since were both using the same words but often applying VERY different means and intentions TO each word, this causes UNTOLD miscommunications and misunderstandings between men and women. Man..now I have a headache just thinking about all this myself as I explain it all, lol.

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                                                         HOW TO VALIDATE A MAN

    Another reason men call up friends or talk is to help solve a problem that we can't figure out on your own. Men are designed to be thinker, creators and problem solvers. This is why men hate to be called stupid or have that even implied in our direction. The more intelligent a man is or feels his is, the more anger and almost violent he'll become at someone calling him stupid. This is especially true if a woman calls or implies that a man is stupid. Telling a man that he doesn't understand something is another way of calling him stupid.

    If a man is trying to solve a problem he is engaged in testing his logic and intellect and this is something that he enjoys. Right away a woman comes along and suggests that he gets help, thinking that she's giving him empathy, love and support. She she see's he's having trouble and doesn't want him to get upset she thinks that she's helping, when in fact she's throwing some seriously volitale fuel on the fire. That's because she doesn't understand his mind or mental joys or desires anymore than he does hers. She doesn't know that while yes he may be getting very mad and banging things at his failure, often times it's not so much the failure itself, but his own frustraion as his current inablitiy to "figure out" the solution.

    When a woman comes along and tells him to call a friend or even worse "lets get a man in to do it"..OUCH that HURTS!! she is deeply insulting him to the core. Why, because telling him to call for help means, to him that she has no confidence in his intellect or ability to solve the problem which for men is one of the VERY things that DEFINE him as a MAN. When it comes from a woman, it's far more hurtful because the LAST thing a man wants is for his women to not think of him as a man. Then when she makes the statement "lets get a MAN in to do it", she just plainly said "your not a man, so lets hire a real man who knows how to do the job right". Now to women this is another example of a man's "silly ego" as they love to call it...but it's far more than just that, your insulting the man to his CORE as stated. Not only that, you've essentially kicked him in his mental balls and it's almost like a physical pain. You've told him that your not a man, can't do anything right, your stupid, don't know what your doing and can't figure it out, all in that simple phrase "lets get a man into do it".

    While this seems ridiculous to women, it's very serious indeed to men. That's akin to a man telling you that everyone of your feelings are stupid, useless, inaccurate, uncessary and wrong. Telling you that your insensitive, a bad listener, bad friend, unempathetic, unsupportive, unloving, and a total bitch. When a woman does this to a man your not only making him mad, your actually going a long way to destroying his feelings for you each time. This is because one of the major qualities that a man wants from him woman, is for her to TRUST him. This means trust in his masculine qualities the majority of which are his physical and emotional strength, intellect and ability to solve problems large and small.

    When a woman is telling a man to "get a man into do it" or something along those lines, he hears nothing except the fact that you don't have any confidene in him as a man and that you think he's useless. To illustrate this, lets say that your driving in an old broken down car on a trip and it's broken down for the third and final time. If someone in your group says "come on, lets go to the dealer and get a real car", everyone knows that this person is saying that the car you were driving in is so broken down, old and useless that it doesn't even qualify to be called a car anymore. Now take this same example and apply it to when women use the phrase "Lets get a man in to do it". You didn't say "lets get a plumber, electrician, carpenter" or such...you said "a MAN". That's like a man saying to a woman who is doing arts and crafts, painting or anything else that she prides herself on and saying "lets get a woman into do it". The only logical linguistic implication from those terms can be "That your not a man/woman so we need to get a real man/woman in to do the job"

    This is not what a woman means when she say this, but based on how language works, that IS exactly what she said. This is what I have said many times that women overall don't use the langauge correctly. They too often leave out critical and vital qualifying words as in the case of "you don't understand", or use words that imply too much broad meaning as in "lets get a man". This all comes down to an almost linguistic laziness. Meaning that it seems that women almost hate to take the time to "think" about the right words and want to only use very broad and general terms hoping that you'll "Just know" what she's trying to say without her having to pick and choose the right words. This is precisely why men speak more accurately and only take words at face value as their assigned in the language or dictionary the vast majority of the time.

    Since men are designers and creators, you can't build a new airplane, computer, spaceship or boat while being lazy in language and saying thins such as "put that thing there, and you, that thingy over there, that has to go here"....all the engineers will look at you as though your insane or on drugs or something. But this is how many women speak with men either consciously or unconsciously and yet what's even more insane is that they actually expect a man to "just know" exactly what meaning you had for that phrase or word this time, where as previously you meant something totally different. This is an example of the classic "mind reading expectation" that women have when it comes to dealing with men.

    The previous example of why men communicate also explains something that really confuses and aggravates women. "Why don't men ask for directions when they're lost?"  Why, it's very simple. Because he is challenging himself to see if he can figure it out on his own. But women who don't really want to take the time to think and "figure things out" logically or rationally simply want to "trust" in another person and "ask for help and support". To men this is a weakness and until he has exhausted all his possibilities he wants to keep trying to do it himself. 

    Now I admit that many men take this too far and wait too long to realize that they are lost and aren't going to figure out on on their own. But on the flip side women want to stop and ask even if a man takes one or two wrong turns and gets lost. In this sense women are too trusting that someone else knows anymore than you or he might know and are too quick to ask for help period.

    Again this is partly a mentally laziness on the part of many women who simply want to be given the asnwers without any thought or work on their own and are very impatient and don't want to wait for the man to "figure out it" in his own time. Then a woman might just go and ask for directions and assuming someone did tell her the right directions and they get there, she then throws it in the man's face as "see, my way was better". Better for who... better for you only and perhaps getting there, but not better for him or the relatinship that's for sure.

    To men it's not an insult to ask another man or something else for help AFTER he has tried all the things that he can think of to solve the problem on his own. But if someone suggests that he tries right away, that is an insult because your not even giving him an intellectual credit or giving him a chance to try and figure it out by himself first. Men know this which is why if you pay attention you'll see that a man will ask another man once...maybe twice if he needs help in a very general way as a courtesy because we know that sometimes a man doesn't want to ask for help, so we'll gently offer it . If a guy says no, we walk away and leave him alone. We don't keep nagging him or convincing him as to why he should accept our help. The LAST thing that we do is suggest that we should get a "MAN" or "PROFESSIONAL" in to do it, because the automatic conclusion based on that simple phrase is that he is NOT a MAN or PROFESSIONAL. While the latter might be true, to even suggest that he is not a man is a gross insult and if another man were to say that it could well lead to a physical confrontation. Those are what is often called "fighting words". Such an insult is the starting place of many fights.

    The only reason men don't get to that point is because it's a woman that's saying it so he keeps himself more in control, depending upon the man that is. But the same level of anger that often leads to violence is quickly rising in most men. Even though a woman is saying it, it can and does still leads to many men hitting and abusing women who don't understand this and never seem to learn that it's these "insults" that are causing him to get violent. Of course there are always those women who simply love to set a man off like this as though it's some kind of joke and it's fun. But that's outside the scope of this website here. An old indian saying that Indian women would teach their daughters is when a man is angry "treat him like a tornado, lie low and wait for the storm to pass". But instead of doing this, many western women, being taught for decades now to "act like a man" or think like a man, instead of lying low, go right into the storm and start hurling insults at it and taunting it. Again some does this for fun or others simply because they don't give a dam and don't respect the man for being a man or his power, be it physical or otherwise. Of course many of these type of women have this "His power, hah, I'm the woman hear ME roar" type of mentality. Since one of the worst things to a woman is boredom, many choose to fight and argue with a man rather than being bored.

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    Now for women, it's important to understand that men don't use the term "support" in their conversations at all. In fact we don't even think of it as giving support period. That's because the very idea of a man needing support is an insult to other men. If you need support then your considered weak and wimply. So men actually don't give much support overall and when we do it's only a very brief comment or word here and there which is done, not because we think the other man is weak or needs support, but it's done more as a courtesy and to let the friend know that were behind them or beleive in them. A man gives another man support by actually LEAVING HIM ALONE to solve the problem on his own. By not bothering him and giving him time to figure the problem out, whether that problem is technical, emotional or otherwise. A man will just say a quick word of trust like "You can do it", "keep at it", "You'll get it" and then he walks away. This is a sign that a man has faith in the other persons intelligence and mental capabilities and makes the man feel a little better about the situation. To women this would be taken as an insult and a sign that you don't care. But again, men are not interested in getting that kind of reassurance of love, especially at that time. So if a man Walks away from another man when there is a problem, it's seen as a sign of trust and faith in his intellectual ability to solve the problem. The woman right away wants to stay there and show her support or ease his frustration by saying things like "get a man in to do it" or "lets hire a professional". All with the INTENTION of helping him to no longer feel the frustration, but never having a clue that you essentially kicked him in the groin mentally and told him that you have NO faith in him as a MAN or as a problem solver. Two of the worst things that you can say to a man, especially when it comes from a woman that he loves.

    For men it's important to understand how important and actually vital it is to a woman that she get support in a way that she's going to understand and relate to. For women this is done by quietly listening to her talk with little to no interruption except the occasional "uh huh, hmmm, I see..." and to only give advice or solve a problem if she actually asks for a solution at the end. To men of course this is veery strange because we only communicate with other men to complain about a problem that we want to solve. We don't just whine and complain to other men for the sake of whining and complaining. Some men do, but most overall do not fo this. But women almost exclusively do this for many psyhological and emotional reasons. One being to be reassured of love, another to help figure out her feelings and emotions which further bonds her to the other person and still another is that they can often use complaining as a way to get support simply when they're feeling unloved. This is not the same as the first one I just mentioned though. What I mean is that a woman will complain purposely to get support and be reassured that she is still loved even though there may not be a real problem. This was alluded to earlier in the context of women exaggerating and seeking a big reaction from a man by making the problem much worse then it really is. This is also tied very strongly to a woman deep and constant insecurities that most feel, hence the reason for the constant reassurance that you still love her and want to be with her. To men this is silly and horribly redundant. To women, the fact that were still there and still married or going out with her is not enough to tell her that you still care, even though to a man it is clear. A womans mind is constantly craving to HEAR words of support about the relationship, your desire to be with her, her own value to you and other words of love along those lines. Her actions and words which show that she is looking for this support can and often do amplify at that time of the month as well. While this constant need to speak these words seems silly, redundant, repetative and downright annoying to a man, women almost never get tired of hearing them. But make sure you don't OVERDO it though or come off doing it in too much of a "lovey dovey", wimpy, needy, clingy kind of way when you say "I love you", otherwise she'll start to think your weak, less masculine and too girly and this will actually start to make her love you less instead of more.

    In Chinese medicine and yin/yang theory, women have water energy or life force and men have fire energy. A woman is also the softer and man the harder, since water is soft in nature overall and fire burns hot and has hard characteristics or qualities. A womans emotions go up and down like a wave and men move forward and backwards, also called the "rubber band theory". A woman often hits her lows during that time of the month when hormones and energy fluctuate more widly. This is what brings on the famous mood swings at that time, random fights and arguments out of no where and much more. Herbs like St.Johns Wort and Dong Quai have been known to greatly help with these emotional highs and lows when taken regulalry. In general this energy is longer lasting but more unstable. Just like the slightest breeze on water generates waves, so to can the slightest of words cause ripples on a womans water and cause a distrubance large or small.

    Men on the other hand have energy that is more like fire in nature. This means that while men often have less triggers that set them off, when they do get set off which women seem to be very good at doing naturally, his nice gently bonfire can quickly flare up into a roaring inferno englufing everything nearby. Unless a man learns to meditate and control this fire energy then it can and often does flare up out of control. This can lead to shouting and violence if not kept in check. The Chinese have a saying that anger is like a fire, if you don't put it out it will burn you up. These descriptions also help us to understand why men for example generally look to have peace and tranqulity in a relationship but women look for fun and adventure in general. Since a man is naturally hotter both in energy, mind and physically, he is looking more for peace and calmness overall. This is another reason why a man needs to take that 30 minutes when he comes home to slowly put down the fire of his mind after a day at work. Women though, because their energies are more like water and cooler, often look for things to heat them up. Adventure, excitement, laughing (a fire activity) is one of a woman most SACRED things that they always say (to no end I might add ha ha) that they just LOVE to do. Of course..don't we call. That's like saying "I like to breathe, eat, sleep and have fun" It's so obvious it doesn't even need to be stated, but women love to state it anyway. Of course they're just "sharing their feelings" but to men this is silly when done all the time. Men hate having the obvious pointed out or shared since again, the very idea of even sharing such a common feeling is by iteself ridiculous and silly. That's why Han Solo kept getting so annoyed with C3PO in the original Star Wars trilogies, because he kept pointing out the obvious which Han took as an insult to his intelligence. C3PO of course never got why Han would always get so upset.

    Men do not want arguments and fights in a relationship, but this is what women often love to bring. As mentioned since a womans energy is often more cool and calm, she is always looking for anything and everything to stir it up and make it boil. This can be anything from the fights and arguments, to drinking, laughing especially and just fun, fun, fun in general. While there are many men who are also adrenaline junkies and love to have fun too, this is usually much more so with women than men to the point of almost being a chronic need. Travel is another thing that I hear women going on and on about all the time. They just can't seem to stay still as though they have to travel to every major city and country in the world before they die. To most men this is very strange. Sure men love to travel too and see new things. But for many women this seems to be an almost never ending obsession that even some women I know don't understand why.

    Because a womans energy is water in nature, her mind more easily adapts to situations or experiences faster than men in general. This is why women almost never want to see or do the same thing more than once. Where as men like to find a few things that we love and do them over and over again. Men are hard, women are soft. Just as water easily adapts to any container that it's put into, a woman more easily adapts to a new place, new food or living situation. This often includes more easily adapting after a breakup, too often initiated by the woman herself. Because a man is harder, it takes many more times for the same event or activity to "wear a groove" in his mind so to speak, so he more often likes to do the same thing over and over again before getting bored with it. This is also another major reason why men take much longer to get over breakups than women do. Men do not easily adapt to it for many reasons. One being that men often get more attached to a woman they love and a man's love, because his energy is fire in nature is often much stronger than a woman is overall. A womans pool of water has to constantly be heated and warmed by the fires of the man, otherwise it will cool down fairly quickly and be at room temperature or lower. This is why women can often get cold and distant in their affections. Sure men do to, but many times thats in response to those heavy hits that women unknowingly say which throw water on his fire energy and slowly start to put that fire out.

    Now sure there are men who are cold and selfish and women who are very loving and warm too, again that 80/20 rule comes into play. But overall in relationships these patterns tend to be very much true between men and women. The difference is that a woman will cool down when a man either does or more often doesn't do the things to keep a womans water warm or almost boiling. This he does through lack of knowledge and ignorance, but when a woman says and does things to a man unknowingly, it's not that his fire dies of itself through neglect but that she is purposely throwing the water of her words and insults onto his fire and knocking it down over and over again. She's constantly beating it down with a big blanket and smothering it with words of insult and emasculation which are intended to be supportive, but not only are not supportive but are downright insulting to the mans core!

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    What seems to be truly at the root of these differences, not in terms of the biological controller itself which as mentioned stems from the brain wiring differences, hormones and different types of chi which dominates the mind of each, but it is that men are mostly linear based in their tihnking and women are mostly circular. What this means is that, similar to the actual sexual organs themselves, a man has a straight linear member and a woman's is a circle. This ties in with the hormones and Chi being the controllers since sexual energy is the strongest of energies in the body. This is why in advanced chi-gung, sexual energy is used to help energize the brain to a far higher level for enlightenment purposes and in martial arts, controlling the loss of sexual energy for men through emissions is critical to attaining the higher levels of internal strking power and more.

    If you think about the many differences over time as I have done with this knowledge in mind, you'll see that a womans thoughts very often are circular in nature. Meaning that almost like a black hole, she tends to suck everything around her into herself. I've noticed that with many women even if they hear a comment spoken by someone else that is NEAR them but not even talking to them, again like a black hole she puls and twists this comment that was not even intended for her and pulls it right into herself, takes it personally and gets offended. Women will also as previously mentioned, take comments that were never intended to be taken a certain way, especially those spoken by a man it seems, and bend it 180 degrees around and take it nearly exactly opposite to what was sent out and intended by the man. This is true of both the actual word usage and the intended meaning.

    A very good example of this was from the trailer for the movie "Hitch" which Will Smith. This is the one where he plays the dating guru who helps men to understand women and how to find the the right one, sets up meetings with them and understand how to help them fall in love. In the trailer a man and women are at the movie theater waiting to go into the movie and the man is standing there waiting for his girlfriend who was getting popcorn and a soda for the movie. Soon an attractive girl who is in pretty good shape comes back and hands him the soda while she is eating the popcorn. Just before he drinks some he asks her "Is this diet?"...instantaneously she gets offended at "God knows what", pushes the popcorn in his arms and spills some on him and like a little child, storms off all man and upset for seemingly NO reason at all.



    The even bigger problem comes into play in the fact that most women, who claim to be talker and such great "communicators" don't even take the time to explain why they're man. Too often, women will just hear a comment like this and assume 100% that he MUST be telling me in a "subtle" indirect way.. "Your fat, you need to lose weight". Then because she assumes this to be true instantly and completely, she immediately goes from being calm one millisecond to being furious the next, throws the popcorn at him, storms off and as you can likely imagine they probably had a huge fight later on, probably there was no sex and worse. Another relationship just took another step towards breaking up. Why, all because she assumed several things that were not true at all, yet took them to be 100% true and stormed off in a huge tantrum.

    Now as I mentioned earlier, men do this to in certain circumstances as well, but women do this far more often with many more things than men do. That's because a woman mind takes almost nothing at face value. They always think "What's the REAL meaning behind what he said" or "What he's REALLY trying to say". She assumes that every word that is spoken has some kind of subtle, TRUE meaning behind it and that the one that's spoken is never the REAL meaning. Why they do this, I have NO idea. Why and how you can go through life thinking that everyones words are never what they truly appear to be or are is unfathomable to me. Men mostly take words AT face value unless it's pretty obvious that there might be something more to it based on the word tone, face or body language or other information.

    Women seem to assume that almost everyone is lying or hiding the truth when they speak, so their minds are constantly working, replaying words and scenarios over and over again (In a huge CIRCLE), seeking the so called "real meaning" behind your words and phrases. Why is this done...because when they speak, that is the majority of what THEY do themselves. Meaning that most of the time as many men find out the hard way after dating women long enough, women rarely mean what they say or say what they mean. A woman often speaks in very hidden, very subtle langauge that she expects the other person will "really get" IF he cares about her. This is a major part of the famous and man hated "Mind reading syndrome" where women think...for some reason, that if a man REALLY loved her, he would "Just know" what she means and what she's thinking nearly all the time.....(BUZZER GOES OFF!!!...Wrong!!!). So to you women who are still operating on this fantasy land principle, the sooner you destroy that beleif, the better off your relationships will be.


    Another reason for this is because of a womans sometimes very right, sometimes dead wrong intuition. Most women think that they're feelings and intuition are 100% right all the time. Women live in a world in their own minds where they believe that every feeling and emotion that comes up is almost like a communication from a higher power where they all mean something, are 100% true and would never lie to them. This is part of the reason why they beleive in and trust every feeling and follow every feeling nearly all the time. This is especially true for women who are younger. Women who are older, more experienced and didn't grow up with this "follow every feeling" mentality that feminism teaches, don't do. Back then women were still taught to control their actions and feelings and that feelings were just that, feelings and not 100% reality. These feminist lies are a huge part of the reason why you have more and more men acting like women today and being "feminized".

    Women apply these emotions to nearly all incoming and outgoing communication in their minds. When speaking and hearing they lace nearly every word with emotions and hidden meaning so that a woman too often, really means something other than what she's outwardly saying expecting the other person to "really get" what she means. When it's a woman to another woman, often times they know what they're trying to say based of various keywords and word groupings. But men have little to NO idea what those things mean. That's because we don't play this word, communication game but we speak plainly, frankly and directly. That's because men more pride themselves and are programmed to be as accurate and clear as possible. A lot of this has to do with the fact that we are science, design and mechanically inclinded to a greater or lesser degree. If your designing and building something, you must be very, very precise in calcualtion and communications in order for it to work correctly. So we have to communicate in just the opposite way and make sure that there is as little room as possible for errors in what we're trying to say and our intentions. Men think and speak this way all the time for the most part. We don't just think or speak that way when at work or building something then speak circular and hidden as women do nearly all the time when were not at work.

    Imagine if mean are on the battle field and if men used this female type of communication.  the General gives an order to take a platoon and go behind that hill over there and at precisely 1800 hours attack the east side of the base. Imagine if men then all started thinking... "well lets see, what did the general really mean by that order...I know, I think he was really trying to tell me when he spoke to me the other day that I have to be more agressive when I'm practicing with my rifle, that I need to be more fierce, yes, that's it" It sounds ridiculous, stupid and insane, but this is exactly how this type of "What did they really mean when they said this" type of communication really is. Now to some women I've talked to about this, they also beleived this was insane and stupid and some do know that they can't be like that and that it's ridiculous. But there are still many, probably a majority of women who do in fact think and communicate in this circuluar, non-linear, indirect way and is it these inefficient "read my mind" kind of way of talking that not only drives men nuts and drives them away in time, but causes so many misunderstandings, fights, arguments and broken relationships and marriages.  While some laugh at this and think that this is just a very funny thing which it is on one level, on another its extremely serious and downright dangerous.

    When men get together and talk whether on the phone or in person, there is not this "lets see how much my friend really cares about me by seeing if he can figure out what I really mean" language game going on. If a man doesn't what the other guy is saying, most of the time we just ask it to be explained more clearly or say "so you mean this or that right?" then further explanation usually ensues. But with women it's almost as though they're mentally lazy and don't want to take the time to think of the right words or phrases or explain themselves correctly, as though it's too much work or effort so why can't you "just get, intuit" or feel the force and know what I mean. (unbeleivable). Why, because humans were not born with mind reading abilities, force powers or being X-men, that's why. This is why there are words always being added to dictionaries and it's why older languages like Chinese, Hebrew, Greek and others have so many more words than English does. These were added over time to try and cover the almost unlimited possibilites and nuances that occur in communications both subtle and obvious and to help greatly reduce the possibilities of misunderstandings. But it seems that as men added words to make things more plain and clear, women come along and use the language incorrectly to do just the opposite and keep their real meaning and intetions hidden and still turn communication into a guessing game rather than plain and direct communication and sharing of information, facts and ideas, which is what langauge is mainly for.


    As mentioned, men are generally linear, so when we intened to say something and mean something, that's what we say, linear, direct, from point A to point B. We send a word directly at you ladies and mean just what we said. We don't send it to you expecting you to take the word, break it down and search 5 levels below what we said for some unintended, secret, hidden "real" meaning behind it, not at ALL. This type of thing doesn't even come into mind when talking. This is especially true for men with a higher IQ who have even harder times dealing with women in their "female, circular, non-linear, non-direct" way of communicating. Since men don't live in a world of emotions in general and don't pride ourselves on feelings, intuition, don't go around looking for constant support or validation of our feelings, don't have a chronic need to constantly feel and be reassured that were loved, we have little to no reason to speak in this subtle language game to see if the other person really "loves me" by how much they're able to "intuit" the true meanings behind our words and ideas. Sure there are some men who are like this, just as there are some women who are more linear and truly logical than men are. I know some of both types myself. But overall these general observations are true.


    As I mentioned to a group at a dinner party one night when talking about these things, men don't call each other up because I'm feeling low, unloved, down and in need of support to talk to my friend so that I can be validated and be made to feel loved. I remember a mutual friend Troy sitting with his GF looking at me like I had three heads when I mentioned this to his gf I was talking to. He said blurted out "is that what women do???" I said yes. She of course was amazed that I knew that and looked at me almost as perplexed as Troy was but for the opposite reason. She said "You mean you men don't call each other on the phone to get support or when your feeling unloved?? I remember Troy gave her a look like "What am I gay..no WAY do we do that!!" He had never heard this before and she was shocked that men don't do this. This topic came up because she was asking the group about some things that Troy does or doesn't do and I explained to her that have to understand that when you women say or do many things, that because men have NO CLUE of the DEEP insecurities that run through your minds on a near constant basis, we have NO CLUE what your looking for, what you want us to say or do or how important it is to you that we say or do these things.

    A classic example of this which I'm sure many men will relate to is when, right in the middle of the BIG GAME, your woman picks that exact moment to come in and ask you to either do something, asks how her new earrings look, how does she look in her new dress, do you like her new hair style, or something else that is at that moment to the man...irrelevant. Guys will go nuts figuring out WHY does she pick that moment to do this and WHY is this such a big deal!! That's because of her own ego, pride and insecurities. This is often a good signal that she is feeling down about herself, more insecure and she is picking that exact moment as another "false test" to see if the "BIG GAME" is more important than she is. When the man says "get out of the way honey, we can't see the screen" in HER mind this confirms that your "stupid game" is more important than she is. Well, that's actually true to a degree...but ladies...it's ONLY true at that moment. Why, because men can shut off the different parts of our minds. This even includes our love for our partners at certain times. Since men usually have a more intennse laser like focus, we focus all our thoughts and energies onto one task or object. In this case it's the "BIG GAME". Since he does NOT understand your mind, your feelings or insecurities and doesn't understand why your doing that during the "BIG GAME" instead of before or afterwards, his first reaction is a bit of anger and the lack of respect for him because he's watching a game that is to him, very important. Meanwhile the woman is thinking "this is just a stupid game and I'm real and your wife or gf" how is that more important than me!!. Well it's not that it's more important as much as it's simply what his mind is focusing on more right now.

    Women have to understand that men don't walk around with their minds racing on 50 different topics a second as often seems to happen with many women. Even when a woman is doing one thing, she never really focuses on it that intently. Her mind is always bouncing around like Twitchy on caffeine from one idea or thought to another. This is one reason why women find it very easy to shift gears from one task to another. Because her mind is already going from one thing to another, shifting tasks if often equally as easy. This powerful male concentration is why men hate to be disturbed when they're focusing on something and often get angry when they're concentration is suddenly broken. It's not a matter of patience but because we cocentrate so much more on what were doing, that when that concentration is suddenly broken out of the blue, the breaking of our concetration has an almost painful quality to it. Think of a rope under hundreds of pounds of force suddenly snapping. The whiplash of that rope snapping can cut your limbs off or kill you. It's very much the same thing when a man is focusing on one thing deeply whether it be work related or the big game and his concentration is suddenly broken. Women at work have sometimes experienced this with their bosses. He might be in the middle of something and when she interrupts he gets mad. She doesn't understand the reaction because when she is doing something and someone interrupts her, she doesn't get mad and goes right back to what she was doing without a problem. But for men, it now takes us several tens of seconds or longer to "get back in the zone" of concentration and the breaking of our thought stream is annoying and very disturbing. She often concludes that he boss doesn't like her because he got angry but that has nothing to do with it at all. It's simply his reaction to having his concentration suddenly broken and it's almost like a reflex reaction. Similar to blinking when someone throws a fake punch towards you.

    My personal advice to the ladies though who do this is to keep it to a minimum. Because while you may need this support and extra assurance that your sexy, attractive, important or loved, if you do it all the time or too often it can have the effect of turning your man off because to men, this type of behaviour comes off as being very childish. When its done too much, more than once a month or so then he starts to think that your more like a little insecure girl than a woman. A man wants to be with a women who has some confidence. Most men don't mind her letting the little girl side come out here and there, but I know from my own experience and that of many other guys that if its done on a weekly or even bi-weekly basis where there is this constant need for support or validation in this way, he starts to feel more like your therapist than bf or husband and this is a huge turn off. This actually goes for both men and women as there are many men out there who also turn their wives and gf's into their therapists too...

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    Guys, what this comes down to is that women look to men to help them feel better about themselves through the giving of female support. When a man fails to say and do the right things at the right times, women FALSELY conclude that he must not care that much and often get immediately mad and plot revenge. Men look for a woman to trust in him, meaning to trust in his masculine traits such as his physical and mental strength, intellect, ability to protect her and for him to be her hero. Even the word "Hero" has "Her.." as part of it's root.  So when a woman see's her man trying to do things around the house, instead of giving the (NOT) "helpful" suggestion that you should  "Get a 'MAN'" in to do it or hire a professional, just ask him "how you doing honey, do you need any help??" If he says no I'm good, even though he might have just been slamming the hammer or wrench against the floor or wall or cursing up a storm...leave it and him alone after that. Come back in a couple of hours and ask him if he needs anything again or better yet, just make him some dinner or a snack and he'll consider that being very helpful and supportive and love you more for it. While this is not what a woman would likely want in a similar situation, men are NOT women and the sexes are far more different then what the lies that have been told led most to beleive.

    When a man see's a woman in distress which will often start out with her talking about her feelings or problems at work, the best thing a man can do is to simply...do NOTHING. Of course if she is physically working on a problem and getting upset, then most women do want the man to offer physical help and support, which is counter to what most men would want. But when it comes to a woman talking and sharing her problems, then it's best to start out by just doing nothing and listening. It's hard, you want to interrupt and offer ways that she can avoid the problem or fix it, but women aren't as concerned about fixing problems as much as they are in simply talking them out and having someone listen. Women think that anything can be solved if we just talk about it enough. Of course this is silly and totally out of line with reality. The only thing that enough talking solves for most women is their own emotional needs at that time. It's important to understand that almost the entire psyche of a womans mind and energy is spent on getting the emotional support and validation that she needs to feel good about herself. Of course men don't understand why this has to be don month after month, year after year and when a man see's that all his support is not making you any better, the man gives up eventually. That's because men are wired to NOT keep doing something that is NOT making a change or different. It's like trying to bring down a mountain with a BB gun. After several thousand shots it's already pretty obvious that it's NOT going to work, so we either get a bigger gun or change tactics. Since a woman needs an almost constant stream of verbal and emotional support, which men don't get at the outset, he feels like a failure because he can't find a way to make YOU feel good about yourself. Men HATE to feel like a failure and when they do fail over and over they simply walk away and stop trying because they don't keep doing something that is obviously NOT working. So it's important for a woman to let her man know that his efforts at listening and being there for you are working and helping because to him, the whole thing seems silly, useless and a completely unproductive waste of time. Especially if he's only going to have to repeat this exercise every few weeks for years or decades. He needs to constantly know that this is helping. While YOU may not want to keep telling him, if you want him to keep listening, you better keep letting him know that it's helping and that you Appreciate him listening.

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Here is one that I'm sure that most if not every man will relate to SO much. Why do women have to start arguments about nothing, make it out to be SUCH a BIG deal and why do they start arguments when everything is going fine!. This is one of the MOST aggravating things if not THE most aggravating thing about women overall. Women seem to LOVE to argue, fight, and start conflict and it's as though they get OFF on it..that's because in fact..they DO!

Now sure there are men like this as well again, it breaks down at about that same rate as the 80/20 rule. I've had many women email me and say that men are the ones that love to argue too, but this is only true in a very narrow definition. Women will say things which they may not consider starting an argument, but just the fact that they had to say something negative along the lines of something that was not done when SHE wanted it done for example, IS starting an argument or fight.

Many of the arguments or fights that women start have to do with another aspect of women, that most of them are control FREAKS and also LOVE to constantly argue and fight with men, to buck his power and authority all the time. Many women have admitted to me after days or weeks of verbal jousting and arguing that they LOVE to make men mad. I would say..well that's quite dangerous because you love it until you get knocked across the room, but even then women never seem to learn that it's their mouth that's setting the man off...why, because when a man get's mad at such things she figures, because women assume that men are like them.. that he's just having an "emotional day" and because she is "PERFECT" it can't possibly be anything that SHE did...oh no way!!, lol. But this is in fact what many women think and feel about themselves, especially in their "I'm superior" days of radical and goddess feminism in the world.

Most women would rather DIE then to admit that they're wrong to a man and in fact women brainwash each other by telling themselves that it's ALWAYS the man's fault. Everything wrong with women, their emotional pain, problems, trauma, hurt, fears, insecurities and everything..are ALL because of men. So NEVER admit that your wrong to a man. If one of the pack (female pack that is) gets out of line and does try to take responsibilities for her actions, the rest of the pack will constantly berate her to bring her back in line with the party thinking.

Women have a pack or hive mentality. That is why they go to the bathroom in groups, to dance clubs in groups, constantly talk and share everything and always seek and need the approval of the hive or pack. Women will even date and marry a man according to what her pack or groups says and if they (her friends and inner circle) don't like the man they're dating, many women will in fact dump him even if she had feelings for him. This shows you how much women listen to other women, even if the advice is totally wrong.. if it's coming from another woman, most will listen and take it in hook, line and sinker. That is why the establishments that pushed feminism (like the CIA for example) knew that they had to get women to do it and that the rest of the female population would just blindly go along with it with little to no independent thought at all.

Women think almost exclusively in terms of one word "FUN". To her, arguing is fun because the man takes it seriously while to the woman, it's mostly fun and games. Women have a very sadistic side to them that they keep very well hidden most of the time. They're able to cloak themselves and their true intentions and feelings to a remarkable level. This is why women can become cold in an instant after just being hot. I'm sure many men will relate to the strange phenomena.

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What does that it mean that women think that arguing is communication? It means that most women argue in order to get a man to share feelings that he normally does not. Since women CRAVE and are dying to know everything that goes on in someone’s mind, especially the man they’re with, they use arguments as a way to FORCE a man to reveal his feelings about things that he either doesn’t want to talk about or won’t talk about. Women figure that even the little bit of “feelings” that they get from the man arguing, even if it’s in anger is better than nothing. Little dot most realize, or even care too, that they’re not only ruining the man’s feelings for her but causing him Great stress on his body, his heart and mind. This is a major reason why men get a lot of heart problems too. Sure smoking, drinking, poor diet, lack of exercise and such are all factors as well. But I’ve heard it over and over again from men of all ages and how their wives jus constantly complain (she considers it sharing of course) about negative things and problems, cause useless, pointless bickering and arguing over silly, stupid and useless things and how it so stresses out the man, angers him, aggravates him and more. Not only because of the arguing itself but because there is NO logic, rhyme or reason for the argument and it’s so stupid and petty and makes NO sense..and men HATE it when things make NO sense and they can’t figure it out. Why do you think that men devote their entire lives to science, physics, astronomy and so many other sciences…because they’re completely focused on trying to understand….EVERYTHING!

I’ve had a number of “arguments” with women for several days or weeks in email, chat rooms and in person in the last couple of years as I was trying without success to get them to see various things that they were doing wrong. They would make it a point to come back with childish attempts at insults and such to get me annoyed. When it never worked and my attitude was like “yeah whatever” and I would move on to the next thing or just say it differently after a while they would say “wow, you have great control and discipline, you don’t really get mad” I said I do, but just not at what your saying or your childish attempts to get me mad because I know your female tactics and games. Even though we were communicating and talking back and forth…to her it was like being on the debate club in high school or something..it was just “talking” and “sharing” while I was getting more and more frustrated because you just can’t get women to see logic, sense or reality in general. They want to consider everything to be on the same level, never want to “judge” or analyze anything and want to consider all things equal. So they’re not arguing to really try and prove a point..they’re more getting off on the actual argument itself and enjoy just saying the opposite thing even if they might know that it doesn’t make any sense or that what your saying is right, they’ll just keep going to keep the banter and dialogue going forever until someone gives up.

Again..it’s all taken as a game or a big debate. She’s not caring much for what the point is or who is right or wrong as much as she’s just “having fun’ with the argument. The madder and more insistent the man gets, she actually has more fun because she thinks “wow, he’s so ‘passionate’ about his idea or belief”. It never even dawns on her that the man is not really enjoying it because she again assumes and falsely concludes “well if he wasn’t enjoying it, why does he keep going” I’ve already explained that before that it’s because he is doing it to teach and make a point of why he’s right and to TRY to get the woman to see it, never realizing that the woman doesn’t CARE to see it…she just wants to argue because it’s “FUN” or she thinks that this IS communication. She doesn’t realize that that she is causing him great harm to his health, heart and possibly the relationship itself. But even when I’ve told this to many women… many still don’t care and they just keep on going with their silly arguments, put downs and insults with their bf’s or husbands.

A friend of mine works as a personal aid to a disabled boy and is very close with the family and the boys mother is always starting silly arguments with the husband and even with my friend. He said to her one day “do you enjoy getting me annoyed and starting trouble??’ She replied “of course, it wouldn’t be any fun otherwise” he said well it’s not fun for me at all!. She was somewhat surprised, but kept doing it anyway. One day the boy’s mother told the boy (who is wheelchair bound) that he had to take a bath. The boy was not in a good mood and has a good temper at times and can be very moody and wild. The mother kept insisting and getting him more and more mad to the point where my friend had never seen before after 8 years. The father said “why are you getting him mad, you can see he doesn’t want to take a bath, WHAT is the big deal, he can take it tomorrow!” but again the mother kept saying “take a bath, take a bath!!” and finally said “because I SAID so!!” again, the whole control freak thing.

This brings up a very important point because most men have grown up wit their mothers constantly aggravating them, pushing them to the limits and beyond. This causes tremendous anger and frustration at their mothers and the LAST thing they want is a girlfriend or God forbid…WIFE that does the exact same thing, talks down to him, treats him like he’s stupid or weak or tries to control him. But that’s what happens nearly all the time, that a gf or wife will end up doing the exact same thing to her husband that the mother did to him growing up.

When a man is a little boy, before puberty, this is not that bad overall, but when he hits puberty and his masculine strength, intellect and confidence go up, this same behavior really becomes a problem big time. The control freak aspects of women that guys can’t stand in their mothers and observe all the countless arguments and fights between mother and father cause a huge lasting impression upon him as an adult. Again, it’s the absolute last thing ANY man wants to have to deal with in a wife, but because women have little to no clue about their own nature and have even less control over it, and even of those that are aware most don’t even care to stop it because it’s too much fun they’re not really going to be stopping it anytime soon.

Women also argue and fight because of the fact that they hate to be bored and would rather stir up crap and have a fight than be bored because NOTHING is worse than being bored to a woman. Women seem to have almost no clue how to entertain themselves and it’s as though they need almost constant 24x7 entertainment. Many women get into relationships or marriage simply to be entertained, even at the expense of the man’s physical health or mental sanity. In many conversations with women one of the first things they have said to me is “what are you going to do to entertain me?” I’m like…WHAT??? Where did you get the idea that it’s my job to entertain you?! They would come back with a silly quip like “of course it’s your job, what do you think you’re here for?” ha ha..again, everything’s a joke. While she may try and play it off as a joke, that is what most women think that men are here for, for their entertainment and fun since most women today of the younger generations seem to think that the entire purpose for life is fun, especially at the man’s expense physically, mentally and especially monetarily.

In Chinese medicine a woman is yin or water energy and a man is yang or fire. Men often want peace and don’t get into relationships overall to be entertained or fight but for love, sex and companionship…not because we’re looking for a lifelong partner to “communicate or share our feelings with all the time”. Yeah, sometimes that’s nice…when WE want too share it..not when a woman demands it. Nor does a man need to be nagged, coaxed, poked or prodded 50 times to make him share his feelings, which is a major reason why women keep going on and on asking a man “how do you feel, what’s wrong and such”. When women do that they’re doing it to..again, test the other person to SEE how much they really care..the more times you ask, the more it shows you really care. But this is flawed and foolish to apply to a man because men do not do this to other men. Men ask one or twice at the most, then out of respect for our friend…. We leave him alone to sort things out on his own. By leaving him alone it’s showing respect, we’re not taking it as “oh my friend cares about me or loves me” oh please..no, no, no! So when a woman tries to nag a man into sharing when it’s clear he doesn’t want you, you’re only pissing him off BIG TIME because each time you ask your proving that you have NO respect for him, his wishes, feelings or intellectually ability to solve his problems and emotions on his own.

I’ve gotten off my real topic here again, ha…. So men are as fire and want peace in relationships overall… women are water which is cool or cold by nature and has to constantly be warmed up (often a problem), arguing causes a strong reaction in her energies and mind, like a fire that starts to warm her up and make her boil, just like laughter does. The sound of laughing Ha, Ha is a fire sound which is related to the heart (the fire organ). So when we laugh it’s a release of fire energies which has a pleasant feeling, one reason humans love to laugh. Well women of course LOVE to tell you that they “Love to laugh”. So much so that in personals what is one of the first things they nearly ALWAYS say if you ask them what they like to do “I LOVE TO LAUGH”..umm..that’s NOT what the question really was asking for. That’s a REACTION to something else, not what you like to do in terms of ACTION not RE-action. We all love to laugh, breath, sleep and hopefully have sex…is there really ANY reason to list these common and mundane things?? No, but again to women it’s “just sharing” don’t take everything so seriously…oh brother, lol.

So arguing, laughing, fighting and conflict cause a woman’s yin or water energies to start to warm up and boil which feels good to her. The same thing happens during sex to both sexes and once that person’s energy reaches the boiling point, you have an orgasm. But since men are already hotter, warmer and have much more fire energy (one reason why men are physically warmer too) he does NOT want to get any hotter…he wants to COOL his mind and energy OFF. This is another reason that men need and love sex more too because when a man orgasms he’s releasing his fire energies and as I heard one stand up comedian say recently on TV “I don’t know about the rest of you but when I rub one out, I’m more calm, peaceful and loving to my fellow man, things don’t bother me as much and I’m just a more pleasant person to be around”. Overall this is very true. Women on the other hand mostly use sex as a means to an end, as a means of control over men but again. There is a cartoon floating around the internet that shows a little boy and girl in their underwear. The girl is pulling out the front of her panties with the boy looking down and she’s saying “You see that, that’s how I’m going to control you” OMG, …More on that in another section, lol.

So to sum up some of the main reasons why women love to argue, they are;

  1. Women think that arguing passionately is communication
  2. Women love to see or make a man mad
  3. She's trying to get you to share feelings you would only share while arguing
  4. To her it’s not an argument but a debate or “sharing”
  5. To many women, arguing is better than being bored
  6. Arguing and fighting stirs up her water energy, brings it to a warmer state which is pleasurable to her, but not for the man at all.

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Dating Advice: 7 Mistakes Single Women Make (Yahoo.com)

 

It was a humbling and shocking experience to read Lori Gottlieb’s new book, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough—but I’m so glad I did. Gottlieb is a single mother who, at 37, wanted a biological child and had one on her own. She wrote a story in the Atlantic about being a single mom trying to date; based on that article, her new book takes a deeper look at modern relationships and dating. Now, before you get all up in her face about her controversial title, let’s get something straight here…

“There’s a big difference between compromising and settling,” Gottlieb told me over the phone. “I don’t want the takeaway to be, pick the next guy off of Match.com and marry him. I’m saying, you don’t have to do anything differently if you don’t want. But if you feel like it hasn’t been working and you’re wondering why you haven’t met Mr. Right yet, think about looking for the qualities that are important. You can find someone you’ll be really happy with and fall totally in love with. These guys are all around you but you’re not giving them a chance. You could be passing up tons of Mr. Rights. And you’re going out with all the Mr. Wrongs. It’s less about what you wear or do on a date than it is about having healthier standards. You can still have the fairy tale, but it will look different from what the media portrays as the fairy tale.…The same unrealistic expectations we have about dating, we have about marriage, too. Married people have said that this book makes them appreciate their husbands more.”

Here’s what many single women do that we might want to reconsider:

1. We feel entitled. (WAY too much so!!)
Gottlieb: “Women try to be good friends to each other. We say, ‘You deserve this, you’re so great! You’re such a good catch! Any man would be lucky!’ [Men don’t say that to each other.] We are good catches, but we also are human and we’re not perfect and somebody’s going to have to put up with us for the rest of his life. And we forget. My dating coach said, write down all the reasons a guy would not want to date you. At first I didn’t think I had that many things, because you think you’re a pretty good catch. He said, what you think of as quirky, endearing, and cute, is really annoying to someone else. But he would love you so much that he would overlook that. And you need to overlook things in him. Everybody has to compromise.”

2. We think we have unlimited options. (Part of feeling Entitled)
Gottlieb: “You walk into a store and you know you want a sweater and it has to go with this outfit and it has to be this color, and you’d like to be on sale. You find something great, but you wonder if there’s something better out there, so you keep searching. In the end, after three more weeks of searching for the perfect sweater—was it so much better than the one you could have bought originally? Whether it’s with men or sweaters…if you just think you have unlimited options for the rest of your life, of course you’ll keep looking, who wouldn’t?”

3. We’re judgmental. (But HATE to be judged by others)
Gottlieb: “The guys I interviewed for the book said women judge them so much. Women gave me 300 reasons they wouldn’t go on a second date with a guy, and men gave 3. When guys are ready for that stage of life, they find someone who is good enough that they’re totally in love with—but that person may not seem to the outside world to be as appealing in superficial ways—maybe she’s not as accomplished or funny as the last girl. Whatever he sees in her, he does. Guys don’t sit and micro-analyze a woman the way a woman would with a man. He knows she’s not as hot as the last girl he dated, but that’s okay. She’s hot enough.”

4. We’re pickier than men. (Seeking "Perfection")
Gottlieb: “With online dating, we judge based on objective criteria (height, sports nut), rather than subjective (attraction), which you can’t judge until you meet the person. When you read other people’s profiles, don’t make assumptions or rule them out because of one thing they wrote. You can fall in love with a guy who wrote that he likes Madonna, but you can’t fall in love with a guy who isn’t kind.”

5. We go for the alpha males.
Gottlieb: “In cities where you find a lot of really ambitious, Type A, driven people, like in NYC and L.A., with the entertainment business and Wall Street…you get a lot of ‘maximizers’ [people who keep looking over their shoulder for something better]. Maximizer women date maximizer men. They will be just as picky in a bad and unhealthy way. The men who are actually available and wanting commitment and who are smart and funny and cute—maybe one guy is a little bit shorter, so he’s not getting the women. Maybe he’s not smooth initially or in big groups, but he is one-on-one. These are the kind of people who when you’re 35, 45, 55, that you’ll be happy with when you’re married, and the guy who is super charming at the party and has the crowd of women around him, maybe he’s not going to make as good of a husband. Maybe he’s not going to call you back. That guy is going to be judgmental and picky, and who wants that?”

6. We think, “I love me more.” (Women never love a man more than they love themselves)
Gottlieb: “We don’t need a man. We don’t. But if you want one and you go around with this attitude of ‘I love me more,’ [what Samantha said in the Sex and the City movie, after she dumps a hot guy who helped her through cancer (and female audiences cheered)] well, a relationship is about reciprocity, so you need to love yourself and you need to be able to have some selflessness and love somebody else. Women take Samantha’s message as really empowering. If you don’t want to be alone—maybe Samantha does—that’s a dangerous message.”

7. We think he needs to share every interest.(Part of Pickness and seeking "External" compatability)

Gottlieb: “We say, ‘I’m a writer, but he doesn’t read! I’m creative.’ But people can be creative in different ways, and the fact that he doesn’t read the same books that you do, well, maybe he wants someone who he can talk about the baseball game with but you’re not that person. The guy doesn’t have to be one-stop shopping. You’re not going to share every single interest, and that’s okay. The shared interest should be, Do we want the same things out of life? Do we both want to be married right now?” 

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